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11 January 2012 @ 04:09 pm
Right. Wrong. Confusion./Hurricane  

TITLE/PROMPT: Wrong. Right. Confusion. /hurricane

AUTHOR: mkrobinson

RATING: PG-13

WORDS: 2996

TABLE: http://babysitters100.livejournal.com/53582.html#cutid1

SUMMARY: Since the death of her mother, Sunny's been out of control...

WARNINGS: mentions of underage drinking and sex

NOTES: giftfic for gloriafan! (there is no hurricane in the traditional sense)


-Part One-

Ducky.

You realize that you shouldn't have been upset with Sunny when she kissed you that day. You realize that it wasn't too awkward, that it wasn't completely wrong, that, maybe, you and her could have some sort of relationship. She is, finally, a freshman, after all, and you are a junior. The Cro-Mags think you're gay, but you know you aren't. 

You don't know what to do, do you? Sunny's mother is dying, you know she is, and you don't want to pressure her into anything, and you really don't want to ruin her already fragile mental state to tell her that you like her, because you don't want her to hurt herself. Like Alex, even though you didn't like him, that way, you could have been a bit nicer about it. You could have been. 

Dawn just called. Well, Mr. Schafer, to be exact. Sunny's mother is dead. You don't know what to do.

Dawn's mother arrives the next night, while you're pathetically musing about your potential lost love, and suddenly it seems Sunny doesn't need you. You offer to take her and Dawn to the mall, so that she can buy some new clothes, but Jeff tells you that his mom and Carol have already brought them. You think it's a bit weird that Dawn's mother gets along so well with her step-mother, but you don't ask, hurriedly getting off the phone before Jeff subjects you to a cheesy knock-knock joke. 

You go to the mall yourself to buy a suit for the services, and you run into them, the somehow cozy foursome. Dawn's mother is recognizable as a shorter version of Dawn, you of course know Carol, and Sunny and Dawn seem to be, well, happy. You want to join  them, but you hesitate. Why do you hesitate?

Sunny is suddenly standing by your table, and you find yourself being dragged over to hers, while she prattles on about her mom's best friend coming all the way from Connecticut to come to her funeral. You think, rather un-charititably, that she should have visited when Mrs. Winslow was alive. Wisely, you say nothing. There is a fifth person at the table, tending to Gracie, and you recognize her from the photographs from Dawn's house as her step-sister. You manage a smile. You feel awkward.

Sunny remains oblivious.

Dawn quickly pulls you aside, and she lectures you in a whisper.

"You could be a bit nicer to my mom and Mary Anne, you know. You don't know what they've been through since this summer-you don't. If Carol and Mom can get along, you can at least attempt to!"

You realize she has a point. You sigh.

Dawn

Mom and Mary Anne noticed how rude Ducky was being, I know they did. They had to, There was no need for it, none at all. Can't he see that Mom's upset about Mrs. Winslow? Can't he tell by looking at her that she hasn't slept for days? Can't he tell that having Mom here is helping Sunny?

Evidently not. Mom and Dad may have their problems, but at least they're better at getting along than Ducky seems to be. Does he think Mom knows about the concert? She doesn't, not that it would matter. She thinks he's kind of weird. And that his name is really Ducky.

Poor Mom. 

Ducky is just being so rude-it's not my fault that Mom's visiting and that Sunny wants to spend time with her. Why doesn't he get that? 

It's like he's jealous. 

Why would he be jealous?

It doesn't make any sense to me. Mom is here because Mrs. Winslow is (was) her friend. Sunny is one of my best friends, too. 

I don't know what to do about Ducky. 

I really don't.

When my Mom and Dad, who had the world's most bitter divorce, can stay in the same house and get along (along with both of my stepparents), it seems that the same should be happening with my friend, who doesn't have issues with Mom, who should be nice to her, who shouldn't be acting like such a jerk! 

I want to cry, but I can't. 

I have to go.

Ducky

You are at the funeral home, alone. Ted didn't want to come. Your parents are in Africa. And Sunny is busy, not with her family, whom she should be with, but with Dawn's. You don't know what to do, because you know Dawn was right. You were being rude to her mother and stepsister. You could have been nicer. You should apologize.

Dawn's parents, not her mother and stepfather, not her father and stepmother, but her perfect California-blonde parents, come outside, near where you are standing, and they light up what appears to be a cigarette, or upon closer contemplation, a joint. You scowl, wondering how they can possibly think of smoking anything when Sunny's mom has just died of lung cancer. 

They are having a conversation. You listen.

Yes, you are choosing to eavesdrop. You know it is wrong, but you don't care.

"I don't get it, Jack. Betsy said she was fine! That I didn't need to come up. That Sunny was fine."

"I doubt Betsy was aware of Sunny's problems, Sharon. Perhaps I should have told you, but honestly, I thought Dawn had."

"No. She told me that she was worried about her, but that...I don't know. And who is that kid?"

"Sharon! He's right there!"

"I didn't know our daughter was hanging around with a sophomore in high school, Jack! Did you know Sunny kissed him? It's a bit odd, don't you think?"

"Sharon, you knew they moved into the high school building-"

"I wouldn't have approved of that, either. I don't know, Jack, I really don't. I knew realistically that Dawnie was hiding stuff from me, but I didn't-"

You interrupt their private conversation. You know you are being rude. You don't care. 

"You don't even know me-"

"Excuse me? I don't have to know you. I think it's odd that a sophomore boy would willingly hang around with a bunch of eighth grade girls."

"Someone had to protect them."

"What? What do you mean?"

"They were being hazed. By the cr-the upperclassmen. I didn't want them to get hurt."

She is speechless, and you shrug, watching her take a toke off the joint. 

"I didn't want you to worry, Sharon. You know that."

"I know, Jack. I know."

"Perhaps I should have told you, but there was the fire, and that-"

"I know, Marjorie's niece is rather annoying, isn't she? I'm sorry she answered the telephone when you called, Jack."

"Where did you get this?"

"Sunshine Daydream, Jack. I saw it in her purse."

You don't understand why Sunny's parents named her Sunshine Daydream, but you know enough that it doesn't really surprise you. You sigh, biting your knuckle. You really should be in there, with Sunny, supporting her.

Kissing her.

No, you shouldn't do that. 

Sunny just needs a friend. 

Sunny

Why do things have to be so weird? Why are people tiptoeing around me, like I'm broken or something? I'm not, okay? So, Mom's dead, it's not like she was completely healthy and dropped dead randomly, is it? I knew she was going to die. I knew it. We all knew it. So why does everyone treat me like I'm so fragile? I'm not. Not at all. 

Did you know that Dawn's stepsister's mom is dead, too? I didn't, not really, I just thought that she was a divorced kid, like Dawn. A normal kid. Like I want to be. All the complaints Dawn has about her mother living across the country, and at least she has one. She has four parents. She's lucky,

Dad won't even talk to me. I didn't do anything! 

Sharon took the joint from my purse. I know she did. I wanted her to yell at me. I asked her to, but she was totally high and told me that it was okay to rebel, due to 'the circumstances'. Why can't she say it? Why can't anyone say it?

I know that my mother is dead, and nothing will take that away, so why can't anyone say it?

Are they trying to protect me? 

Where were they when she got sick, then? Where were all of my relatives then? 

I hate this. 

I want to disappear.

Like mom did.

I really miss her.

-Part Two-

Dawn

I had to tell Mom I wasn't coming up for the holidays this year. I made something up about it being Gracie's first Christmas, and wanting to spend it with her, and of course she bought it, but that isn't the whole reason. It's Sunny. 

I'm so worried about her. I don't know what to do. Things with her dad are getting worse, and Dad's been letting her basically live here, which would be fine, except that she isn't better. I know that it's because of her mother, but I'm afraid. So, so afraid.

Carol is feeding Gracie. I'm sitting here, writing in my journal, my tea cooling in its cup. 

"Are you okay? You seem kinda down."

"It's Sunny. I'm worried about her."

"What about Sunny?"

Sunny has been the topic of conversation in my house a lot, and I know Carol and Dad are worried. I know that Mom is worried too, which is why I haven't told her about this latest development. I think she'd come back to Palo faster than Sunny could get the morning after pill. 

"It's...okay, she told me that she and Ducky were...were fooling around, you know, and I guess one thing led to another, and I guess she was too stupid to-"

"Dawn. I agree that fourteen is a bit too young to fool around, especially since Ducky is seventeen, but are you sure?"

"She told me! She told me and expected me to be happy that she finagled herself some emergency contraception, but I can't-Carol, I just can't. What if she gets pregnant? What if she gets some sort of disease?"

Carol hands me my sister, and holds a hand up to stop me.

"Honey, I'll talk to Sunny. I will. Okay? You shouldn't worry about this."

"I know. It's just, it's just hard, okay? Mary Anne's mom died, she doesn't act like this!"

"Your father said her mother died when she was just a baby. She doesn't remember her being sick, she doesn't remember her being her mother, while Sunny does. Mary Anne can talk to her about not having a mom, because she didn't have one, but she's certainly not going to, well, be so reckless."

Gracie lets out a loud coo, as if she agrees. It's true, Mary Anne would never behave like this. Richard would kill her. Mr. Winslow should be doing the same to Sunny.

"I know. It's just so hard. She's my best friend. She's been my best friend for the longest time, since we were kids."

My tea is cold now. There are hot tears running down my cheeks, and Gracie stares at me, patting my face in an attempt to make me feel better. Carol promises that she'll talk to Sunny. 

I know she will.

So why am I still upset?

Ducky

You and Sunny have been sort of dating since the night of her mother's funeral (well, to be honest with yourself, you've mostly been getting under the influence of various substances and making out and, well, doing more) and you two have been sleeping together for two weeks now. 

You think. 

Sunny is more adept at this sort of thing than you, and you let her take control. You know what you're doing is bordering on illegal, but you know that no adults know. You love Sunny, and if all she wants is a physical relationship, you'll take it. Since, after all, she's very willing to give. 

You (well, she) found the former Mrs. Schafer's (Dawn's mother, whom Sunny and Maggie call Sharon, but you suppose you'd call her Mrs. Spier) supply of hard lemonades hidden in the back of the Schafers' garage, and you've been sneaking in there to drink them. It's been surprisingly easy. Both Carol and Mr. Schafer rarely go into the garage and Jeff and Dawn are trying to avoid the two of you (you don't know why, exactly, but it is true) so sneaking in there for a drink or two tends to go unnoticed. 

You wonder if maybe the alcohol is getting to be a bit of a problem for you and her, but she says that it isn't and you believe her. 

Sunny tells you she has it all together, and you think she's telling the truth.

"Yeah, I slept with him. What's the big deal?"

"Sunny, it's illegal! Jack and I could have him arrested! He is seventeen!"

"So?"

"You are fourteen, Sunny. You shouldn't be getting drunk and sleeping with random guys!"

"Ducky isn't random! He loves me!"

"If he loved you you wouldn't be acting like this! Do you know that Dawn and Jeff lied to Sharon and Richard about why they weren't going back? Dawn told them it was because of Gracie, but it's because they're worried about you!"

You weren't supposed to hear that conversation.

You weren't. 

But you did. And you feel guilty.

You don't know what to do.

You can't talk to Dawn, because she likely put her stepmother up to it.

You can't talk to Amalia, because she and you aren't particularly close.

And you certainly can't talk to Maggie about it, because she's got her own problems.

You love Sunny.

Isn't that enough?

You finish your hard lemonade and drive home. You know that Sunny won't be back.

Sunny

I'm going to Stoneybrook for spring break with Dawn and Jeff. 

I don't want to talk about it.

I heard Jack and Carol talking about me, and I heard them calling Sharon. I know that I screwed up, I know. I promised her I wouldn't.

I can't even keep a promise to my mom's best friend anymore.

I didn't even try. 

I hate myself. 

And I hate Ducky.

I don't think I'm ready for any sort of relationship right now.

I don't.

I miss my mom.

I miss things from before. I miss my mom being alive, I miss my dad caring about me, I even miss the We Love Kids Club and I even miss Jill. 

-part three-

Dawn

Even though our trip to Stoneybrook could have gone better, I think things will be alright. Mom and Richard had a little chat with Sunny, and I think he's developing some sort of "plan of action" for her. She asked him to. Mom cried a lot, but so did Sunny. It was good for Sunny to cry.

Dad and Carol are letting me invite some of my friends from Stoneybrook over for a couple of weeks during the summer. I'm looking forward to it. Jeff might be able to invite Byron Pike (I think Adam and Jordan are going to some camp). 

I don't think that Sunny and Ducky are dating anymore. I don't know if they really were. I think they were just dependent on each other.

I have to watch Gracie, now, though.

Sometimes I wish I was a baby again.

Things were so simple.

Ducky

Sunny told you you could still be friends, but you don't really believe her. You hang out in the fringes of the group, knowing that you'll always love her. You don't understand why she doesn't believe you. 

You still give her, Maggie, Amalia, and Dawn rides places, and you all still hang out together, but you can tell that something has made Dawn's parents uneasy about you, and you don't know what. Is it just because you slept with Sunny? That isn't fair. You certainly don't feel the same way about Dawn. Or Maggie. Or Amalia. Or even Jill, their old friend that Sunny suddenly insists can hang around with you.

You and Jill dislike each other. 

You do.

You also dislike Sunny's new dependence on Mary Anne, Dawn's stepsister, and her desire to read her letters out loud to you. And to everyone else. The others, with the exception of Amalia, know her, and they're looking forward to seeing her, and the others. You aren't.

You dread meeting Dawn's friends from Connecticut. 

Mary Anne is her stepsister, so that's one thing, but these others? They sound terribly-you don't want to say it. 

Well, they sound young.

They were in some babysitting group together, after all. 

In fact, they still are. 

And Sunny likes them, so you should, too. 

But you can't.

You don't know why you feel that way, but you do.

You just don't know.

Sunny

Dear Mr. Paul Winslow,

Vista High School Alternative Program is designed for the Vista student who is currently in danger of failing out of his or her class. Your son/daughter Sunshine Daydream Winslow is a candidate for this program. She has been chosen by a committee of her peers, faculty, and a parent board as a worthy candidate for this program, which focuses on helping the student regain lost credits and move forward in his/her studies at Vista High School. We understand that Sunshine has been dealing with severe personal problems throughout the past few years and we would like to work with her to ensure that she is being properly educated. We hope you will consider this program, otherwise Sunshine will have to repeat her freshman year of high school in the fall.

Sincerely,

Mr. Mark Fitzpatrick, Director of the Vista High School Alternative Program, Palo City, California

I'm dead.

Dad is going to kill me.

This came in the mail today.

We both got a copy.

I want to do it.

I want to stop screwing up.


 
 
 
gloriafan on January 11th, 2012 10:37 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I really like this! Thank you for writing it...will there be a continuation?
mkrobinson on January 12th, 2012 01:28 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it! You're welcome...yes, well, there will be, sort of. I'm writing a fic for bookplayer that continues during the Stoneybrookers' trip to Palo that's mentioned in this.
Nikkiimamaryanne on January 12th, 2012 12:19 am (UTC)
I like this a lot! I didn't think I would because I love Ducky, and I didn't think I could accept a straight/asshole!Ducky. But I like how his being an ass is borne out of jealousy (he is only seventeen after all) of not being the one who's there for Sunny. He screwed up by sleeping with her....and I wonder if he realizes what a fuck up that was.
mkrobinson on January 12th, 2012 01:30 am (UTC)
Thanks! Yeah, it was really hard to write anything fluffy/lovey dovey for California Diaries era Sunny and Ducky, though I did try, but this one worked better. I'm glad you liked that...I figured that was the only way he'd become an ass, because he was so sweet in canon. No, he doesn't realize that that was a fuck up, and that will be explored in the companion piece!
automatic doorautomaticdoor on January 12th, 2012 04:39 am (UTC)
This is exactly how I feel! It was weird to read about him screwing up, but he is only seventeen.
mkrobinson on January 12th, 2012 01:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
Mistraliwith_rainfall on January 23rd, 2014 02:46 am (UTC)
I agree with everyone else, in that Ducky is generally the nice, responsible guy, so for him to be rude/standoffish is odd. But I like that he didn't do the right thing for once: it hasn't exactly been a good year for him in CA Diaries. Also, I can see him having sex with Sunny either to prove that he isn't gay/attracted to guys, or to shed that persona of 'the one who's always needed' after being snubbed by the Schafers.